{"id":9806,"date":"2021-01-18T09:27:54","date_gmt":"2021-01-18T08:27:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/?page_id=9806"},"modified":"2022-03-03T15:37:59","modified_gmt":"2022-03-03T14:37:59","slug":"how-to-say-no-with-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/more-self-esteem\/self-confidence-tips-2\/assertiveness-training-2\/how-to-say-no-with-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"How to say No with Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you have problems saying no when you want to? Well, I’ve written this page to help you out. After more than twenty years writing about the topic of self esteem and confidence, becoming a published author and helping so many through teaching and life coaching, I will show you how to say no with confidence when you need to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assertiveness is important if you want to build your self esteem. Knowing how to say no effectively when it is necessary is a very helpful skill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning how to say no with confidence is good for mental health, as this study<\/a> in 2010 found. The study concluded that the problem of saying no was equally difficult for men and women. Generally men are thought to be more assertive than women. This study didn’t agree with that assumption.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is saying no so important?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Assertiveness is helpful, and even necessary, in many different areas of life. Being able to say no when you need to is a very beneficial skill to have in your personal toolbox, so it is well worth developing it. But why is it so important to be more assertive?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we get older we learn how to behave in challenging situations from others and from our own experience, so it is no surprise to see that everyone behaves in their own unique way. If you learn to behave passively, your self esteem and confidence<\/a> may suffer and your ability to express yourself becomes limited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Passive or unassertive behaviour is negative because it means you do not express your feelings and emotions. Others may take advantage of you as you do not speak up. Passive behaviour can limit promotion at work, success in academic study and can result in poor relationships. It will affect your communication<\/a> and social interaction with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assertive behaviour should not be confused with aggressive behaviour. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In business and personal life saying no is a very necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you always say yes you’ll find that people<\/a> will give you more and more to do and you won’t be able to attend to what you need to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s really important to know how to say no. Do you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you don’t, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At work also, saying no is a vital part of business life. It’s too easy to try to please others all the time. It’s so vital that if you don’t learn how to say no you’re soon going to become swamped with other people’s requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take advantage of you and you’ll find it more difficult to concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue doing jobs for them. Don’t fall into this trap!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do some people have difficulty being assertive?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Research by Fiedler and Beach (1976) into reasons why some people are unassertive, and how they might be trained to change their behaviour suggests a couple of causes. One is that some communication skills may be lacking. However, the main reason found was that unassertive people fear the result of acting more assertively. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"shyness\"<\/a>
Photo by Joshua Eckstein<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Take this example, say you are pushing for promotion at work, you may fear that saying no will damage your prospects. You may try to keep your boss happy by trying even harder and to earn the reputation of getting things done by constantly saying yes. On the other hand, constantly saying yes can overload yourself with work commitments meaning you may get stressed and be unable to cope. This can damage your prospects.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another example that those with low self esteem sometimes face is that you may feel you need to please others to be loved or respected by them. In this scenario, you will find it increasingly difficult to say no to others. When you build your self-esteem you will be better able to feel that you don’t have to do this in order to be loved or respected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are many benefits of saying no<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Saying no is part of being more assertive<\/a>. Saying no will not only help you feel more confident and in control, but will allow you to devote time for yourself and your own needs. If you cannot learn this skill then you’ll feel frustrated and stressed out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While helping others is extremely gratifying, we must not get caught up trying to please others and neglect our own well being. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem<\/a> because you will feel other people are not respecting you as a person and are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and learn to be more assertive. There are times when we have to say no, and we should not take this to mean that we are “letting others down”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why you shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no. \u00a0It is right that you deserve to put your most important needs first. There will be times when you are swamped with work or household duties, or even when you are mentally worn out and need to take some time for yourself. There is nothing wrong with putting those needs before the needs of others. There is a time and place for everything and it is all about having a good balance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"No<\/a>
Photo by Fineas Gavre<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or to please others you need to think again about the negative effects this might be having on you. Such negative effects include stress, burnout and tiredness and frustration that you can’t attend to your own needs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next time you are faced with a situation where you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn’t come into it and you shouldn’t feel that you have to say yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your need to say yes is likely based on seeking approval or on feeling good inside because you feel needed, but this shows that you have low self esteem and you should do something about that. You shouldn’t need to feel that you have to say yes to other’s demands in order to feel good about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When and how to say no with confidence<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You should say no when:<\/p>\n\n\n\n