{"id":8794,"date":"2020-10-23T14:22:11","date_gmt":"2020-10-23T13:22:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/?page_id=8794"},"modified":"2022-03-03T13:36:02","modified_gmt":"2022-03-03T12:36:02","slug":"shame-and-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/more-self-esteem\/building-self-esteem\/how-to-deal-with-low-self-esteem\/self-care-and-self-esteem\/shame-and-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Shame and Self Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Shame can be very damaging to your self confidence, self esteem and can affect you throughout life. My aim on this page is to help you understand why you might feel shame and what you can do about it. We will also look at the role that self compassion plays in shame and how it can help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame is the negative feeling we experience when we judge ourselves or our actions to be unacceptable and something we want to hide from others. Self compassion, or being kind to oneself, lessens the shame, whereas being self-judgemental increases it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The description above makes it sound simple, but it isn’t. If you are affected by feelings of shame, you will need some help and guidance to overcome it. So, let’s look at this in more detail and try to understand how this works and how practicing more self compassion can help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to this research paper<\/a>, published in the Journal of happiness Studies in 2020, the level of self compassion is positively or negatively related to feelings of anxiety, shame and embarrassment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Self compassion is being kind to yourself. But there are many aspects of self compassion we should think about including how it can help us to deal with life’s pain and emotions, and the shame that may come from this, and what it means to be more self compassionate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Life is full of difficult and sometimes extremely negative experiences. How we deal with those difficulties and the emotions they produce can affect our lives and behaviour deeply. For example, one very negative and common reaction to negative experiences is self criticism. Judging yourself negatively can cause isolation and shame (see this study<\/a> by Boersma et al. 2015).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Inner criticism can get out of hand and affect your self confidence, self esteem and according to Gilbert and Irons<\/a> (2005), it is also connected to depression, eating disorders, drug abuse and social anxiety. The fact that it also causes people to withdraw and become more isolated, makes it less likely that someone will get support and may suffer alone. It is always a good idea to seek help when confronting these challenges in life. In this helpful course you can learn how to overcome your inner bully<\/a> and start to build confidence through self compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lack of self compassion can also cause social anxiety and loneliness (see Dreisoener et al.<\/a> 2020). If this a problem for you, be careful. Withdrawing from social activity is not serious at first but can develop into a major problem if it continues. It also means that it becomes more difficult to seek support from others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are many causes of shame including body image, relationships, money, work, health, sex, religion, traumas such as abuse or disability, being labelled. Whatever the cause, self compassion can help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the pain points that can result from shame is social phobia. If this is a problem for you, click this link to learn how to stop or reduce blushing<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Gilbert and Irons (2009), if you have self compassion you will be able to reassure yourself and soothe your own anxieties. It is clear that this will be really helpful to anyone feeling shame, and will enable a person to better deal with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What skills do you need to be self compassionate? Self compassion includes the ability to accept oneself, understand one’s own feelings and mental state and to learn how to stop judging oneself (Gilbert and Irons, 2009). Basically, the most important feature of self compassion is self kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shame is an extremely negative and disabling feeling that attacks confidence and self esteem. It is therefore very important to overcome it as soon as possible. So what are your choices in treating it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your choices are to either to change how you think about yourself, learn to accept yourself as you are<\/a> or do something to improve your weak points. You will probably need help and guidance from a professional to get through this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Let’s look at your choices in turn:<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don’t have to stay locked in your prison of shame. Allow yourself to feel more self compassion and be kinder to yourself. Don’t let others tell you how you should look or behave, decide for yourself. Following these steps can free you of the burden of shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shame can be very damaging to your self confidence, self esteem and can affect you throughout life. My aim on this page is to help you understand why you might<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":13668,"parent":7929,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[211],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8794"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8794"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13756,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8794\/revisions\/13756"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7929"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13668"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/more-selfesteem.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Self Compassion can increase or decrease feelings of shame<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Life’s Pain and Emotions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What it Means to be More Self Compassionate<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How to Deal with and Overcome Shame<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Sources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n