Hi!

It's 2005 and wherever you are I hope you enjoyed the celebrations. Already three weeks on but I would like to wish you a happy self esteem - filled year ahead. What have I got for you this month? A new article which I have written about the role that self esteem plays in a healthy relationship. Also, I have found some great quotes and other inspirational items which should hopefully point you in the right direction.

It's been a good year for my website and changes I want to make are on the way if only I can find the time. Please visit again and enjoy this newsletter,

Let's also pray that 2005 will be a more peaceful and less troubled year in the world than last!   

Karl Perera www.more-selfesteem.com 

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Carl Jung

Behave the way you really are, even if it ends a relationship!   Never suppress yourself in an effort to influence,  hold, or win someone.  When we are unreal, so are our rewards.  To say this in another way, never behave the way you think the other person wants you to behave, but in the manner you must.  Nothing you really need to do or have ever requires a yielding to person or custom.

(courtesy of www.superwisdom.com written by author Vernan Howard)

I started thinking about the subject for this month's newsletter article a few weeks ago. After receiving one or two emails form visitors to More Self Esteem  about failing relationships and in particular how one person in a marriage can be totally overlooked by the other resulting in low self esteem and a poor marriage. In addition to this my experiences lately in my own situation have motivated me to write on this topic.

An Example of the problem 

Marriage. Two people who are living together but sometimes one person feels that their wishes and aspirations are neglected by their partner and worse. Some women are so little respected by their husbands that they are reduced to servitude and a life of misery. These poor wives are not valued as individuals with their own values and desires and are desperate as a result. Sometimes it is so bad that even the children end up following the father's example and lose all respect for the woman of the house. Because of the traditional roles of men and women it is more commonly a problem for women but some men also suffer. A man who feels that he is neglected or dominated by his wife's control of his choices in life is indeed in a sorry position - I can sympathize with that.

It is not only in marriage of course that relationships between people suffer because one side denies the rights of the other to be their own person and reach their potential. Friends, brothers and sisters, family members all need the love and support of each other.

Ideal Relationships 

A good relationship is one where both partners respect each other's opinions, values and rights to live the way they want to. A healthy relationship can only be built on love (in all its forms) and love means to accept the other person as they are, to sacrifice and be willing to compromise at every stage, sharing is involved and in every kind of relationship you need to give but you also have the right to take.

What to do if you are in a one-sided relationship

A relationship without balance and fairness without both sides giving and taking equally is one that is not based on love or respect and is in danger of destroying itself. What's your relationship like? How do you treat your friend or partner and how does he/ she treat you, honestly?

If you are the one being disadvantaged in a relationship here are a few suggestions what to do:

•  be more assertive - you have a right to ask for what you want, tell your partner you deserve better and start sticking up for yourself
• manage your time - with better planning maybe some of those things you have been intending to do may be possible, give priority to your most important needs and make time to realize them
• agreement - seek agreement with your partner but if he / she isn't willing to listen then be assertive and if it is really important do it anyway 
• look at the situation from your partner's perspective and try to understand why the other person thinks that way, maybe you can better find a solution or reach agreement
• communicate your feelings - don't be afraid from telling your partner how you feel and what you think should be done
• insist on discussion - don't accept a quick answer or refusal, you deserve to be heard 
• time to yourselves - both people in any relationship deserve and need time apart to be with themselves or somewhere else, don't feel guilty about this
• opportunity to grow - if relationships do not provide a chance for both partners to improve themselves then there is a problem, one side is dominating the other and there needs to be more balance, persue opportunities to develop yourself. If your partner loves you he/ she will agree
•  don't judge your partner - hard as it may be, just demand you be treated fairly and respected as a person and even if you are not don't judge just make a decision to stand up for yourself, within reason of course and not selfishly.
• If you want your opinions to count then you must acknowledge and listen to the opinions of your partner no matter how unreasonable. In the end you can simply disagree and tell your partner what you intend to do. If you accept someone controlling your life then it will never stop and your self esteem will drop to a very low level.

I hope that some of these ideas can help you find the motivation to regain the independence and sense of self value you will have lost if you suffer in such a relationship. One final thing, do not wait - the sooner you break free the easier it will be and the more self respect you will have intact.

I wish you luck and hope that your relationships will grow in trust, mutual respect and affection, be strong!

This will also help you find the confidence you need:  

• Build your Self Confidence - Hypnosis downloads - quick, easy and guaranteed to help you build your confidence (prepared by experienced psychologists and gets my full recommendation) I would also advise you consider getting the CD Trainer, the CD is not expensive and is wonderful, I listen to it regularly, it helps me, it'll help you too. 

  Until next month,

  Karl Perera

Building Self Esteem amazing download that will help you become more confident, get it now!

What is self hypnosis? click here to find out more

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