Newsletter June 2003

 

Newsletter time again! I hope summer has arrived where you are! This newsletter as I promised last time round will continue the theme of parents and self esteem. My article is the second part of that which I wrote in last month's issue and this one focuses on the self esteem of parents themselves. I hope you will enjoy it! Oh and thanks to all those who wrote to me about the last issue!

Hope you like this issue and will visit www.more-selfesteem.com again soon!

Karl Perera

click here to visit my self help bookstore where you can find some really helpful books about a wide variety of subjects including self esteem and self improvement.  


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Question: Has this website helped you improve your self esteem?

Yes, a lot                        48%
Yes, a bit                        26%
No                                   26%  


New this month (check out all the latest updates click here)

-  new poll. Question: which resources at more-selfesteem.com have you found most useful?  Go to homepage to vote now!

- new article  - Ten ways to Kickstart your Self Esteem


Article "Parents and Self Esteem Part Two" by Karl Perera

The self esteem of parents is very important and will affect that of their children. We owe it to ourselves and those we love to think about what our own self esteem means in terms of being a parent and how we can improve it.

Breaking Free of your parent's influence

The affect that parents have on their children's self esteem was covered in the last article but you are also a child as well as a parent and often parent's influence continues even if it is not apparent to you. On the other hand maybe you are acutely aware of your parents comments and actions having an affect on you. Either way you owe it to yourself to break free of that influence and develop your self esteem.

Ever notice that when your parents are around you behave differently? What effect do your parents have on you now? Even the memory of what parents said can affect us. Reproaching parents destroy confidence. 

A few tips on breaking free:

  1. Stop seeking approval from your parents, follow what you think is right
  2. Explain calmly to your parents that you appreciate their advice but you will decide how to act
  3. Ask your parents to respect your own rules and family habits
  4. Ask your parents not to contradict you in front of your children  
  5. Take this free course in self confidence - register now! (I recommend you get the CD pack which is promoted in the course, I use it regularly it's worth every penny!)

If you have parents who belittle you or even humiliate you then you need to be strong. Instead of fighting with them ask them why they say such hurtful things and tell them how what they say hurts you. Ask them to change or at least to show you respect in your home. Sticking up for yourself will make you feel better. If they persist and you should tell they are wrong and have no right to hurt you. This is very difficult because as some emails I received have shown some parents continue to hurt their kids all the way through their lives and if this is your problem you do not deserve this. Confront them about it and tell them you cannot accept this anymore. The hard part is your next decision. Try to ignore hurtful talk but do not accept it. Explain how it affects you, how you deserve better and how your family is affected. If they have any heart they will stop and see you in a new light. 

Self Esteem and mothers

Mothers suffer all kinds of pressures and this has an affect on their self esteem. Pregnancy, weight loss or gain, work, family life, spare time, children all affect self esteem. Mothers deserve respect. You gave life to your children. Your husband asked you to marry him when he could have chosen any woman. You are special in the family. Managing jobs, kids and family and other responsibilities is very difficult. Beware! Look after yourself and don't let yourself be taken for granted. Remind your husband of the important things you have to do. Expect time for yourself and do not accept being the family slave.

Self esteem and fathers

It is easier for men to have self esteem as they believe they have the most important role to play in the family. This is not necessarily true but generally society sees it this way. If a father has a less important job than his wife or even worse is out of work while his wife earns the money he will feel very low. Men need responsibility. If you find yourself in this position keep positive and don't give up! Stay away from drink and when opportunities come you will be ready. Always try to do something positive with your spare time, even if you are out of work, you will feel better and stay motivated!

We all need to work to improve and maintain self esteem, parents are under pressure and suffer stress at home as well as at work. Your wellbeing is important to your family!

Until next month,

health and happiness,

Karl Perera

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